Smarter than a 3rd Grader

Sometimes...I go back and read my posts.  You know...on an especially slow TV night....

I catch SO many grammar and punctuation errors....it is embarrassing.  Misplaced commas, double negatives, and too many more to list.

This post is just me apologizing to my family members who read this (because they are the only people who read it on a regular basis)  I ain't no rocket scientist...but, I am smarter that I appear in some of my "writing."

So, don't hold it against me.   And, if I mispel words...sory abot tat to.

I'M GONNA BE RICH!

You heard me right!  I'm gonna be rich!  I can just feel my pocketbook getting fatter as I sit here and type.  I can also feel myself getting fatter as I eat some of Little E's potty training treats while I type.

Back on track.

Here is the deal.  The kiddo and I went to Petco today to look at dog beds.  I know...I am stupid...you have already said that.  

Anyway, we were venturing around the store admiring the ferrets, rats, and birds, and I noticed a package of pine cones.  

They were selling them for rodent and bird cages.  Three tiny pine cones for $4.00.  

What?  More than a dollar a cone?  

We live on the edge of the Big Thicket.  Pretty sure I am going to load up on buckets and get to collectin' me some pine cones.  

Do you REALLY think someone would buy PINE CONES in Petco?  I mean, this is pine cone country.

Just had to poke fun.  It was my laugh of the day.

Yep, I am boring.  I know...you told me that too.

Off to pick pine cones all afternoon.  Hope I can find some small enough gloves for the kid.  Gotta put her to work too.

What did you say?!

Did I hear you correctly?  Don't forget...there is a first time for everything.

We had our monthly "Mom's Night Out" last night.  All the Moms from our Wednesday play group try and get together for dinner or a movie...without the kids.  We always have a great time....it really is a very good group of women...we have fun together.

So, last night....we had dinner at Tommy Bahama at 6:30pm.  We enjoyed a dinner together without having to wrestle with toddlers, pass out Cheerios, pick crayons up off the floor, and we actually got to talk to one another.  Refreshing!

We finished dinner about 8pm...and we decided to go to this new place on The Waterway and have a glass of wine on the roof top.  It is called Crush....the new hip place to be. ;)  One of our friends hadn't been there before....so off we went for just a few.  

So we find a table...enjoying our conversation....sipping on a glass of wine....talking about fun stuff....then, here comes 3 guys.  Approaching our table.  Like they were wanting to make friends.  We brushed them off immediately...wouldn't really even let them use their cheesy line.

One of them even had a backpack.  Pretty sure they were interns at Merryl Lynch or something.  At least, that is what I keep telling myself.

One of the guys was a little more persistent...and we just said "we are just having one glass of wine with the girls...about to leave"  

And then I heard it.  The first time it has ever happened to me.  The words....I can still hear them in my head.

One of the Three Musketeers said "They are too old anyway."  

Can you believe it?!  They called us old!  

I guess it was flattering that a bunch of pubescent boys whom I wonder if they were actually of age thought they had a chance....it was pretty amusing.

But, they still called me old....and I am not.

So there.  

I admit it....

I'm crazy.  At least you would think that is what I am supposed to believe....because everyone says I am. 

We are getting a dog.  I know...I heard you....I am crazy.  

Shorty and I want a pet for Emma...and we want one too.   Some of the best memories of my childhood involve my dogs.  Penny and Luke.  We had so many more than that...but, those dogs were my favorite as a kid.  Most people I know had dogs growing up...just something you do I guess.

Shorty and I have never really considered getting a dog.  He has pretty bad allergies to inside animals.  So, we never knew it was possible.  And, all the "hypoallergenic dogs"  just weren't the dogs for us.   

The thought popped into our heads again...and I began obsessing...in my typical fashion....to find the "perfect" dog for our family.  I didn't know if I would find one...but, I thought I would try. 

Well...I did find one.  A Standard Poodle.  Not a yippy little one.  But, a big one.  Not shaved and cut all prissy....but, just a black, female, short clipped Poodle.  They are ranked in the top 10 dogs for families with small children, they hardly shed, easiest dogs to train, and they do not bother Shorty's allergies.

So, no matter how crazy people say I am....we are still getting one.  Sure, I bet the dog will drive me nuts from time to time...I am aware of that....but I have a feeling we made the right decision because it was certainly researched and not done on impulse...the biggest mistake you can make when buying a pet.

We visited our second breeder yesterday.  She lives in an area of Houston deemed "inside the loop."  So, the Short family headed into the big city.  

Shorty was the navigator (another long post) and I drove.  We were about 1 1/2 miles from our destination...I got this VERY familiar feeling...like I had been there before....sitting at that very stop light.  

My grandmother lived in Houston and she used to live in the proximity.  I spent SO much time at her house...and we did quite a bit of venturing together.  

One of my best memories as a kid was going to this place called "A Shop Around the Corner"

When we were almost to the breeder's house...sitting at that light...I told Shorty..."I think that store Muvvie used to take me to is right....there!"  I looked over my left shoulder and there it was.  Still there.  I hadn't been in 20+ years....I couldn't believe I remembered it was right there...

Just so you know...we called our grandmother "Muvvie" my Mom's Mom.  One of my favorite people on the planet.

So, I kept going...off to look at dogs.  We arrived....visited with the family....played with puppies and left.  Told them we would be in contact.

As we pulled down the road, I told Shorty I HAD to go into that store.  I couldn't be so close and not go.  

I pulled up in front of the store and was still couldn't believe it was still there.  Nothing stays in business like that anymore.

I tried to open the door...and it wouldn't open.  I then remembered the little bell you had to ring.  You push this little bell and the door makes this horrid buzzing sound...and you are let in.  Well...my stupid ass couldn't do it.  I kept pushing and buzzing and pulling...and nothing.

So, here comes this little lady.  She is coming to the door and I can see her in between the security bars and the stained glass. I yelled out to Shorty "It is the same lady!!!"  He just looked at me like ok, whatever you say.

She opened the door...the little one and I walked around the tiny store.  I remember it being so much bigger.  Nevertheless, it was still the same.  She had the very same things in there....it was the coolest.  

I then walked up to the counter...and saw her little James Avery case.  She sold James Avery years ago and still had a few pieces.  I had to buy something.  Just had to.  There was a little Lady Bug charm in the case.  I bought it for Little E.  She has a bracelet just like the one I had.

I told the lady who was behind the counter that I used to come to the store over 20 years ago and what a treat it was for me to come back and have everything the same.  She was in her mid 90's I would guess.  She told me she had been there forever.  

I told her that "Muvvie" bought Madam Alexander dolls for her granddaughters every Christmas...I had more than I could remember.  She asked me my grandmother's name....I told her...and she told me she remembered her.  She was so sincere...I know she wasn't just saying it for whatever reason.

I never cry...I don't get sentimental....just not me.  But, I did yesterday.  I didn't cry...just got tears in my eyes remembering the wonderful memories I had as a small girl.  

Whether it be my favorite dogs or that doll house furniture store my grandmother took me to...I want to give the same thing to my daughter.  I think that is what made me get all sappy....like I am right now.

So, call me crazy.  We are getting a dog.  But, I know it will be for the best.  

Every girl needs a dog.  (And a horse, but I haven't told Shorty that yet)

And, just so you know...for the one person that made it through this LONG post.  The picture at the top is of the store.  I can't wait to go back.  Hopefully the lady in "A Shop Around the Corner" will have Rush Limbaugh blaring as loud as she did next time I visit her.  

On the way home...we called the puppy people and said we would take the little black female.  She will join us on September 6th.  So, in the mean time...I have to get ready.  Hopefully my kid will be a little more potty trained by then...ain't my life gonna be fun in a few weeks?  

Poop please!  ;)

I love Louisiana!

Well...at least that is what I say when I am on my WAY to Louisiana....not on the way home!

Shorty and I went to L'Auberge du Lac in Lake Charles for his birthday.  Just for one night....he wanted to hang by the pool and play blackjack for his birthday.  The man usually wants to do nothing special for his day....I was shocked.

It really is a nice place.  Great pool, awesome spa, nice shopping...and too much food!  

We met some of our best friends there that day.  We spent entirely too much time in the pool....celebrating.  After we finished our "swim" we changed into our casino attire....you know....a suit and a sequin gown.....and hit the blackjack table.  

That didn't go so well.  But, when does it ever?  Really?  You would think we would have learned our lesson by now.  But for whatever reason...that time I won $1,000 playing blackjack when we were first married and dirt poor...stands out in my mind.  Hey, if you can do it once...you can do it again!

We still had a blast....lots of funny stories that we can talk about for years.  And, I am pretty sure I fed my "people watching" habit enough for the next 4 years.

"BLACKJACK!"  

No Betty Crocker.....

There it is!  The ugliest cake in the world!  You would think after spending 4 hours making something....it should at least turn out a little prettier! ;)

I will research frosting recipes much longer next time!

Shorty had a great bday....baby girl LOVES birthdays....and I love cake!  Even if it does look like our kid decorated it all by herself!  Lets just say I had the most uncooperative icing on the planet that day.  It had NOTHING to do with my cake decorating ability.  

Hey...at least I tried, and there are no icing stains on the ceiling.  Another LONG story. ;)

Tomorrow's post will be about the trip over the border to Lake Charles....now, that was fun!  ;)

Evil dance Mom

2 more days until we go back to ballet class.  I am keeping my superstitious fingers crossed that it goes better the second day!

I was one of those Moms last Wednesday.  Just couldn't help it.

It all started when class began.  Little E's class is NOT Mommy & Me ballet.  I knew she would be hesitant about going in without me...but, I also know she will soon get over it.

She went into the class....all was fine...and then 2 Moms decided to stay in the class.  Leaving the rest of us out in the hall looking through the one way mirror.   My kid was totally confused and crying....sure she was thinking "Why are all these Moms in here....and where is mine?"

Naturally, I stood in the hall fuming.  I just wanted to throw the door open and tell them to leave!

So, when class was over...I walked in....picked up my kid....and stood in the "post dance meeting circle" while Ms. Carol explained the class.

I piped up and said "So, next time....will it just be you and the students?  Or will Moms be in there with you? Because, it needs to be all or none."

See...I am mean aren't I?  I just couldn't help it!!

Hopefully this Wednesday will be filled with rule abiding Moms.

At least I have one cute dancer....

Tornado Warning!

 

The picture is blurry...I know.  But it kind of shows what a blurry mess my kitchen was about 10 minutes ago.  It looked like a F3 tornado whipped through the kitchen.

Tomorrow is Shorty's birthday!   I made him a "yellow cake with chocolate icing" from scratch. No cake mixes...no nothin'.  It took all of about 4 hours.  It BETTER taste good.

The kiddo was lucky...she got to watch Cinderella 2 times.....just so I could get my stuff done.

The cake looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa....and it appears that a 8 year old decorated it.  Oh well....at least Shorty will know I really DID make it from scratch. ;)

We are off to gamble in Lake Charles for his birthday per his request...yep...we are bad....I know. ;)

Happy Birthday Shorty! 

I'm Scared!

What is your phobia?  What makes your stomach weak?  Well....for whatever strange reason...I don't like oil rigs.  I know....I am weird...yep....you have said that before.  

There is just something about them that makes me uneasy.  It may be the size...or the idea of falling off of one in the ocean....or what it looks like under the deep dark blue water.  

I hate that you can see them on the horizon in Galveston.

Took this picture down at The Strand in Galveston.  When Little E saw it...she said "I wanna go on there!  I want to swim in the water!"    Good thing she didn't inherit her Mom's stupid phobia of oil rigs.  

That is the REAL reason I didn't pursue a degree in Chemical Engineering....I don't like oil rigs.   Yep....that's right!  

Pretty Please!

So my fabulous friend, Rita has started doing these wonderful sessions for women.  And, they are becoming quite popular!    I wish you could see all of the photos...simply amazing!  They look like they belong in a magazine.  I love these two...both of them were the sweetest girls and so fun to be around.  

Rita and I were talking on the phone one day about her upcoming session at Hotel ZaZa in Houston.  I had been with her to one session before and KIND of helped a few girls touch up or add to their makeup.   She asked me if I wanted to help her again...and I accepted.  You know, camera lessons for makeup artistry.....     It was such fun day!    I did all but one girls makeup....brought back memories of my days behind the cosmetics counter in the department store....still one of my favorite jobs.

Apparently Rita loved the makeup job I did.  She asked me to be her personal makeup artist for these shoots, and....I accepted!  How fun!?!    So, I will be with Rita, makeup brush in hand...and I am so excited!

She is planning another session here in The Woodlands, towards the end of September.  She has online galleries so you can see more of her exquisite work.  She is such an artist and an amazing photographer.  

Rita has taken our family photographs since before Little E was born.  I cherish every one.

Check out her website and her blog.  She is an amazing children and family photographer as well.

http://www.sonrisaphotography.net/ 

Smile!  

First time for everything....

Tomorrow is the big day....first day of Ballet  for Little E.  Really, it is the first time for her to do any real "organized" activity.   She seems to be ready for the tutu and ponytail...we shall see.

I am a non educated Ballerina Mom.  I have no clue about anything tutu or leotard.  So, tomorrow is a first for BOTH of us...

Excited to see the little 2 year olds teeter around and learn how to follow directions.

This class ends in May and will include a recital at The Woodlands Pavilion.  Who knew my daughter would some day share the stage with Motley Crue.  

Happy toe shoes!  

Not itchy!

They call it the 7 year itch.  At least that is what I have heard.  

Shorty and I agreed not to buy each other gifts.  Since we went on the trip and everything...it was our gift to one another.

So, this morning, I gave Shorty his card and a tube of Benadryl.  Just in case he got the 7 year itch.  He said he didn't need it... ;)

We are celebrating tonight with Little E....going to Landry's.  Ganna & Pappa offered to watch her while we went out...think we will take them up another time....for another date night.

Hard to believe it has been 7 years.  Exactly 7 years ago today we were sipping sparkling grape juice in the United Methodist Church.  Shorty and I opted to forgo the big reception and take a lump sum of cash from my parents in place of the party.   Still glad we did it.  It was a down payment on our first home...and the hangover we had the next day was much less expensive at the hotel bar.   

I love Shorty.  Happy 7 year anniversary!

Charlotte, is that you?!

Can you identify the genius species of this particular Arachnid?  ~Jeopardy Music~ .........

Time is UP!  It is the Latrodectus mactans.   Or, more commonly referred to as the Southern Black Widow.

Shorty and I bought some White Oleanders to plant down at the beach house.  You know, something that would distract from the disheveled yard, weed infested lot, and just to make the post hurricane landscape look a little happier.    We picked out five three gallon plants and dug holes in the oyster filled sand.  It brightened up the place right away!  Nothing like a some green plants to distract from the collapsing homes around you. (That is another story another time)

So, as you all know...when you plant new stuff....you have to water it ALL THE TIME.  Oleanders are known for their "heartiness" and that is why we decided on them.    

So....while I am watering the new shrubs for the 3rd time in one day...I notice a strange looking critter on one of the leaves.  I then notice it is a spider...then I notice that it is red and black....mmmmm....could this be a BLACK WIDOW?  So, I knock the sucker off the leaf and try to flip it over to look for the infamous red hourglass.  Sure enough!  There it is!

I think to myself..."I really need a picture of this!"  You know....so I can put it on my blog. ;)

So, I yell up to Shorty there is a Black Widow...I run to get my point and shoot.....return to the scene and she is gone.  NICE!  My inability to do the responsible thing and just kill it is beginning to worry me.  Oh well.  It won't bother us.

So, a few hours go by and I go back to the home of the crazy venomous spider.  There she is!!  I yell upstairs for someone to come down and look.  With the camera of course.  ;)  Minnie comes down and helps me corral "Charlotte" so I could take her picture...then to of course squash her.

Got this grainy pic.  I couldn't get one of the hourglass.  

After reading about their bites...I am relieved I found her again and killed the dang spider.  

Also glad Shorty was there to remind me not to touch it.  If he wouldn't have told me...we would have had a new pet.  I just love to touch spiders.  ;)  

.

Gone fishin'

First off...I want you to take a moment to marvel at the quality of this magnificent photo.

Little E and I had just arrived at the beach and we found Shorty reeling in a pretty nice sized Speckled Trout....maybe 15'' or so.  I whipped out my point and shoot camera....the heavy humidity fogged up the lens.  So, instead of working to unfog it while the poor fish gasped for oxygen....I just took what I could get.

Fishing is something I have always somewhat enjoyed.  My Dad is a HUGE fisherman and loves all things "Large Mouth Bass".....not so much saltwater.  I grew up baiting hooks with crickets, worms, and minnows...so, I have no problem baiting my own hook with a live wiggling shrimp.  I must admit I do feel a LITTLE sad when I poke the hook through their heads...then I remember the food chain lesson I learned in the  4th grade...then I forget about being sad and walk out into the surf to catch a huge fish.

Surf fishing was not something I did growing up.  Never did it until I met Shorty.  In all honesty...I was kind of scared to do it at first.  But, I didn't want to look like a chicken.  So, I hooked a bait bucket to my bikini (pre c section) and went wade fishing with the boys.  Just another reminder of my true redneck ways.

"Remember, shuffle your feet!"  Shorty tells me this every time we are walking out into the surf.  I guess there are some critters that can sting you...

I have caught a shark.  It was tiny.  I have been bumped in the shins by sharks...but, nothing that would bite you.  At least that is what they tell me.  

If I had to choose....I would choose fishing from a boat.  BUT, surf fishing IS kind of relaxing.  

Minnie came to hang with us at the beach.  She volunteered to come and help with the kid so Shorty and I could fish and do some work on the beach house.  DANG....was she ever helpful.   An extra set of hands for the world's busiest kid really helps out.

During one of our "fishing breaks" Shorty and I were out in the water...casting out our lines and I look up and there was a pod of dolphins.  No joke!  At first, the pointed dorsal fin made my knees weak and I almost went running for the shore...then I realized I was standing about 100 yards from dolphins...THAT was really cool.

Shorty won the tournament we had between the two of us...I DID catch one fish.  And lost countless others.  But, he walks out further than me.  That is my excuse. ;)  I will ONLY go in to my upper thighs or waist.  No more.   Not that it makes a difference...it just makes me feel safer for whatever reason.

Can't wait to take Little E fishing.  She did help Shorty reel in a fish...she "petted" it and helped her Dad release it.  So, take your kids fishing...or take yourself.  It really is relaxing.  Unless you don't catch fish...then, it goes from relaxing to frustrating.  ;)  

Don't forget your fishing license!  Happy fishing!

What is the point?

So, Shorty and I loaded up Little E and headed to the beach house.  It was kind of last minute.....as I was scrambling to get bags packed and clothes washed...I realized I didn't have time to update the blog for the millions of people who follow my every move.  

Light bulb!  I have an I Phone!  Surely I can type my blog and share all the riveting moments of our trip on my fancy phone!  Right?  So, I forgot sitting at the computer and figured I would tell my story via a weak Internet connection at the beach.

We all got settled.....got the kid to bed...I sat on the couch excited to tell a funny story.  I logged in, signed into my blog...attempted to type...and nothing.  The phone wouldn't put the cursor in the box!  I tried over and over and over.  

I figured my 1,654,732 followers would just have to wait.  I mean, I knew I was letting them down...but, I had been let down.....by technology.  What can a girl do?

On a positive note... ;)  I have some funny stories to tell.  So, stay tuned over the next week and I hope to make you laugh...or..."unfollow" ;)

Let down....

Well....Motley Crue rocked the house....I was completely amazed at their ability to scream that loud...I didn't know 50 somethings could do that.  Who knew?

My people watching habit was fulfilled....I had SO many people to stare at and wonder if they REALLY liked the way they looked when they left the house that day.  Seriously?

Our seats were perfection.  Box seats RIGHT in the middle...about 20 rows back.  Thanks to our friend...Dallas.  He is "the guy" who knows everyone and can get anything.  ;)

I was expecting crazy women showing their bare chests...people getting kicked out for smoking dope, fighting, and all sorts of stuff.  Boy, was I let down.  None of that...we sat next to a group of about 8 college frat boys...all in their early 40's.  They get together every year...this was their reunion.  And I was worried about Shorty's ensemble...these dudes looked like spokesmen for Brooks Brothers.  All they were missing was an argyle sweater tied over their shoulders.

Upon entering the venue, I did feel like I was about to enter a maximum security prison.  No purses allowed, no cameras, no nothing.  So I stuffed my pockets with my ID, the all important lip gloss and Shorty's keys.  I felt naked the whole night without my little pocket book.

So, I took this picture with Shorty's phone...I wish you could see it in more detail.  Those bright lights are fire rockets...such class!!  Those guys are straight up crazy.  But, no matter what your opinion of Motley Crue is...they are true entertainers.

Sorry to say...I have no scandalous news to report from the concert.  Just a slight ringing in my right ear.  

Smokin in the boys room!

You know you are singing it in your head.... "Smokin in the boys room....."

Shorty and I are off to see Motley Crue tonight.....can't wait for the music and of course my favorite pass time....people watching.  

Going with some friends of ours....we have lawn seats...as well as some box seats.  So, we will be going back and forth between.....6 of us and only 4 boxes...but....will be a perfect place to run down and see if any of the guys have had plastic surgery!  

I am a fan of Motley Crue....I like their "commercial" songs.  "Kickstart my heart" being one of my favorites.  It is my "you are almost finished with your run" song.  

 

Off to slide into my black leather pants.  I have some sweet lace up boots too....and I might even wear my leopard halter.

Had to consider wardrobe choices this year.  We went to see them about 9 years ago.  Shorty had just gotten back from the US Open at Pebble Beach.  He wore his Open tshirt and his starched Polo pleated golf shorts.  Needless to say....he stuck out like a sore thumb.  So, this time...with a little thought and planning....Shorty will blend into the crowd and we won't have to worry about getting our butts kicked.

Stay tuned....for some good stories!

Steve

 

His name is Steve.  He was our caddie at The Ocean Course on Sunday morning.   

He had been there, done that, and back again.

I was nervous to have a caddy...for whatever reason...think just because I had never had someone carry my clubs.  I mean, I can carry my own...but, that is what you are supposed to do there.

So, we met Steve.  He was in his 50's...a New Yorker that had relocated down to SC.  He was a jack of all trades.  An excellent caddy, a fly fishing guide, a good golfer, an avid photographer, retired from The United States Navy, visited every continent on our planet, and just knew a little bit about everything.

Some of his stories were almost unbelievable.  I mean, they were true...I just couldn't believe it had happened.  Figured that he had caddied for lots of strange folks...I think people come from all over just to play this course.

He told us about this group of men who were drinking themselves into oblivion while they were playing golf.  They had loaded their bags down with beer...and Steve was lugging it around while they slopped the ball around the course.  One of the dudes got so drunk, he ripped off his clothes told his buddies he was going into the ocean...he ran naked across the course and jumped in the water.  Told them he would meet them on 18.  Sure enough...here comes the drunken idiot naked and running out of the water to greet his equally stupid friends on 18.  Little did he know they cops were waiting for him.  

So, Steve kept us entertained with stories about life, golf, and stupid people.   

We requested him the second time we played.  He was either off or hiding from us.  Next time we go...we will be sure to ask for Steve.  

Lucky duck!

Have you been going through withdraws without your daily dose of a Short Story?  

Just got home from a trip to Kiawah Island, SC....or, as I commonly referred to it as "La La Land."  What a cool part of our great country....but the little island itself....it felt like you were in some sort of utopia.  Everyone rode on bikes with wicker baskets on the front, nothing was out of place, it was almost just too perfect.  There were times when I thought a photographer would jump out of the bushes to finish his shoot for a Ralph Lauren print add.  You know the add I am talking about.....an unrealistically beautiful family dressed in pink plaid while they play touch football on an incredibly impeccable manicured lawn. 

So...must be the reason so many people flock there to relax, eat, swim, spa, and golf.  It makes you totally forget about reality.  Just what a vacation is about.

In my usual obsessive style, I called the resort the day before just to make sure all was good, ask a few questions about our package...just trying to minimize any surprises on our arrival day.

We had initially booked a "resort villa" instead of staying at the hotel.  After I asked questions...I realized we would be better off at the hotel.  I was sure there wouldn't be any rooms left.  But, I had to check.  There were 3 choices.  Garden view- sold out.  Dunes view- too expensive. And Ocean view- out of the question.  Before we hung up...the sweet Southern woman on the other end of the phone offered to book a Dunes view at the lower price.  I accepted and was delighted...I scored a deal!

So, Shorty and I arrive Friday afternoon.  Walk up to the desk and the Southern Belle behind the desk informed us that we had been upgraded to an Ocean view room at no cost.

So, the picture at the top is the view from our room.  We were on the 5th floor right in the center of the hotel looking onto the Atlantic.  Couldn't have been any better.  

Perfect vacation in a more than perfect place.