Is this Hustler?

So their marketing ploy worked on me this month. You know....standing in line at the checkout at the grocery store. Candy, batteries, hand sanitizer, magazines showing perfect dinners ready in 3 1/2 minutes, and the sure way to fight a muffin top.

So, I bought a Cosmopolitan at the grocery store....not the fruity Sex and the City cocktail....the magazine.

Only because it caught my attention. "How to get rid of your Muffin Top"

What woman who has a kid doesn't want to get rid of that lovely matronly look? I had been recently asking my friends who exercise how to get rid of it...so this was a sign.

I take the magazine home and sit down to read it. I hadn't read one in years. Martha Stewart magazines seem to hold my interest a little more these days....I am getting to be SO boring.....

Anyway...page after page...after page...I could feel myself blushing. This is pornography...just without pictures! I am no goodie goodie or anything...and I can handle most anything....but, this is not the magazine I read 10 years ago. This is a Larry Flynt publication...I am sure of it.

I was reading Hustler. Just without the visuals.

After being kinda grossed out....I closed the magazine. Didn't even learn the new tricks on how to get rid of my Mom gut.

Guess I will have to look at the table of contents to find the exact page number....pretty sure I don't want to read about "How to get a guy to commit after a one night stand" Hmmmm....isn't that what they call an oxymoron?

And to think....young girls read this crap. What is this world coming to?

Yes, I am getting old.

Oh well.

Dear Santa.....

Took my little kid to the Gingerbread party at the Junior League Holiday Market this weekend.

They got to decorate their own cookies with candy and gumdrops. 10 seconds after this picture was taken, the gumdrops were being eaten. No....not by me.....not this time.

After you decorated your cookie, you could sit in Santa's lap....children only.....thank you.

The little one WOULD NOT sit in his lap last year. She was totally terrified. Truthfully, I was expecting the same this year...until she started talking a pretty tough Santa game.

"I am going to sit in Santa's lap and tell him I want candy for Christmas.....Santa is a good guy"

So, as we were getting ready to go to the party....I let my kid watch a little extra TV so I could finish getting ready. She watched this show called Max and Ruby and one of the characters had a jewelery box. So, immediately she said she was asking Santa for a jewelry box.

We walked into the party...she saw Santa and said..."I don't want to sit in his lap now...maybe later." I was sure that the Santa picture was not going to happen. I became one of those Moms ...I started pressing. Over compensating how NICE Santa was. Then, I stopped. Figured she would if she wanted to.

We were about to leave and she asked to sit on his lap. She walked up and sat on his lap...told him she wanted "candy, presents, and a jewelry box" for Christmas.

I was shocked. She looked shocked as she sat on his lap....he is kind of overwhelming to a 2 year old. The picture cracks me up...she wants to smile...but not quite sure how.

I almost didn't take her...I was not feeling well...but, she woke up talking about it and I just couldn't say no. So glad I did....she conquered her Santa phobia....oh yeah and we had fun too.

say what lady?

This morning was a morning without a kid...just me and a friend....doing a quick round at the annual holiday market. You know...the place filled with everything that no one needs....but, everyone wants? If the attendance level this morning were an indicator investors used to forecast the health of the economy....I am certain the stock market would be above 12,000 today.

Self consciousness began my morning. I have put a couple of unwanted extra pounds on in the last few weeks. Nothing to do with the excesses of Halloween candy I stuffed my face with last week....or the fact that I polish off what my kid does not finish at meal time.

This morning...I left the house in a matronly ugly pair of jeans paired with an old tshirt and a jacket to hide my back fat...and it was all just a little too snug.

Naturally, I didn't look at myself in the mirror and think "Damn, I look good today."

Not that I ever DO say that....but, today was just one of those days....everyone has them.

Except Natalie Portman.

So....we are walking down each isle admiring the bedazzled Christmas wares and a lady looks right at me and asks if I am familiar with a spa here in my town.

I reply yes, thank you...she proceeds to tell me they have a plastic surgeon. Maybe it was my extra 5 pounds that caused my silly sensitivity....but, why did she have to tell me about a plastic surgeon? Is my rear really that large? Are my boobs really that saggy? Is my chin really that thick?

Offering women diet advice, suggesting plastic surgeons, and discussing parenting ideals, all without prompting are NOT a good idea.

So there.

40?

Some of my best friends are turning 40. Some of them are wearing reading glasses. My hair is turning grey....don't know what else to say. I am a poet...and didn't even know it.

So, I wanted to post a picture today....haven't busted out the camera so I thought I would do an oldie.

This is from one of my best friend's weddings. Kelly...she is the bride. She is coming to stay with us in just a couple of weeks. And, it is our best friend Paige's 40th bday.

In the interest of secrecy...incase my dear friend Paige set her eyes on this blog...I can not disclose any details about what is being planned for her.

These girls have been my girls since I was 19. When I sold lipstick behind the makeup counter in a major department store. What fun. The most fun I ever had as a single gal. Those days with them were like what college days are to most folks.

Since my college education came a little later in life....these were my days. I can blog about my first adventure in college at another date and time....when I want to reflect on how well I did in class that first year away from home..... yep....so good in class.....hmmmmm.

So, I am counting down the days....to be with my girls...and to have some fun.

Kinda makes me realize....my friends are 40...guess that means I will be 40 someday too. Thank God I am the youngest.

;)

gag me with a spoon

So my dog has ticks and I need an airplane barf bag.

Our lovely home backs up to what we suburb people refer to as a reserve.

It is about 2 miles of woods behind us....all the way to the high school.

Not unusual to see a 10 point buck walking down our neighborhood street....a bunny rabbit chomping down on my overgrown flower beds, and that's right....ticks.

So, the breeder treated her....then the vet treated her...so, I figured we were all safe. Apparently the vet treated her with a heartworm/flea combo...but, not for ticks. Certainly wondering why....but, that is beside the point. It is all fixed now....hopefully. For my stomach's sake.

Last night....we found a few. My stomach is turning just thinking about it.

They are coming from the woods and the deer that live behind our place.

I am getting light headed as I type......

So, I called the vet, changed her medicine and will be making a trip to the hardware store to buy some poison to kill them. The ticks...not the deer and rabbits.

I feel like I need to take a shower with a metal scrub brush. Like people do when they have been exposed to some sort of toxic chemical.

Then, to top it off....I came across a roach, a Texas one...about 3 minutes after I woke up this morning. Lord knows I am so not a morning girl....and that is the LAST thing I want to see when I wake.

I would have settled for a snake. Or a spider....or a tick.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Getting started

Today was the day the Christmas shopping began.

Thankful for Day School and for Minnie picking the rugrat up from Day School so I could actually accomplish things on a shopping trip.

I do truly enjoy buying gifts for our family....but, not like last year.

A restless toddler as a shopping partner is not fun.....also not fun to shop in December alone or not.

Would like to actually enjoy the holiday season with the Shorty family this year.

Take time to have fun, bake cookies, watch movies, see Santa, you know...all the stuff you are supposed to do during Christmas time when you have a kid.

During my whirlwind excursion today...I made a bathroom break.

Walked in the ladies room and the store music was playing over the speakers.

There was a lady in the stall....sitting on the toilet, humming, and tapping her feet to the beat of the song. Who does that? Who sings while they go to the bathroom?

As Jim Morrison would say.... "People are strange...."

Just had to share....imagine you would think that was as funny as I did.

Off to shop people.....or in my blog's case......person.

November?

I just cant seem to put my arms around the idea that it is November.

Seems like we should be loading up headed to the pool.

This month is going to fly by like no other...I am already feeling it.

The Shorty family has something planned every weekend, my Mom's birthday is this month, my Mother In Law's birthday is also this month, one of my best friends is coming to stay with us the week before Turkey Day, one of my other best friends turns 40...celebrating with her, then we are hosting Turkey Day at our home...with a head count of 22 as of today.

So....those 6 pounds I need to loose...hoping I stay busy enough that I will stop stuffing my face.

Nap time!